I’m feeling genuinely torn about this. I’ve thrown softer objects at the television or radio whenever I heard ol’ Dubya open his mouth. He was a terrible embarrassment to all Americans on a global scale. He made it significantly harder for any American to be respected overseas and repeatedly answered pressing interview questions with an “i don’t care” shrug, as though he’d simply inherited a bad world and didn’t care to change it much.

I realize that what I’m saying is controversial. I’m generally a proponent of As-Long-As-You’re-Not-Hurting-Anyone… I know, for example, that my brother deeply respects Georgie Porgie. I’ve listened to his side, and maybe for a while Americans needed a down to earth, “regular kinda guy” whom Americans could relate to. They just ended up with someone a little too basic. He regularly came across as a horrid public speaker who lacked intelligence and willingness to remove himself from his natural golf course habitat. Throwing things at his head was just a fantasy I had because of this, but I doubt I could actually, physically do it myself.

All that time on the golf course obviously paid off for Bush when it happened. Look at him dodge that first shoe! It’s so oddly familiar to him, isn’t it? He’s so wily and so unfazed afterwards, I’m willing to bet he gets things thrown at his head a lot. I also learned in this article that shoe-hurling is a grave insult in Arab culture. I thought he just picked an opportune moment to practice his wellie wanging.