Grand Ave Florals, Los Angeles

Where Angela extols on the 3 Easy Truths About Getting Married

Welcome back to the series of “I Heart…” by me. The original title for this article was “Wedding Bliss Can Kiss My…”, but that sounded a lot harsher than was truly necessary. The truth of the matter is, for an event that is supposed to be so saccharine romantic, there’s a whole lot of blood, sweat and good ol’ fashioned hard work that has to go into it.

Dreaming of getting married? Closing your eyes and visualizing heart-stopping wedding shoes by Jimmy Choo, elegant and embossed invitations, designer wedding bouquets and your beautiful bridesmaids (wearing fugly and unflattering dresses in a gorgeous color) all flocking around you, making you, The Bride, shine? Keep your eyes closed, honey. That’s the fantasy stuff. The reality of getting married (and I should know because this is numero dos) is that it’s a hard sudoku puzzle of matching numbers to squares. Think of the seating plan alone: are you really going to sit your loud and opinionated aunt next to your shy academic uncle? That’s no way to wedding day well-wishes.

The best advice about getting married that I ever received came from my own gut. “Gutspeak” is the stuff that, surprisingly, should be the most simple information your brain ever processes. Yet your brain will argue with it, ignore it, try to bargain with it, and ultimately leave you feeling totally torn as to what on earth “the right decision” is. Allow me to offer clarification on your Gutspeak:

3 Easy Truths About Getting Married

1. Getting married doesn’t mean you have to sprint to the finish. Recognizing now that nothing should change between you and your hubby-to-be post-ceremony puts you wayyy ahead of the game. Everyone has their own reasons for getting married, but thinking things will change between you two afterward is the only wrong one. If your gut is telling you “he’s not the one!”, maybe you should humour it and talk to your future spouse about it. Vocalizing your fears might just help him (or her!) to relate to your issues and apprehensions. On the other hand, it might send things into the downward spiral of whose stuff belong to whom and calling the bakery to cancel the wedding cake. Either way, take it from me, your gut won’t lead you astray so just listen.

2. All bridal stores, without exception, are designed to make you feel fat. Add another axiom to this: All bridal dresses are sized UP, meaning you will be reaching for the double digits, even if you’re a petite like me. And instead of the casual, girly, champagne-sipping event you see in romantic comedies, you can bet your tuckus your own mother will betray you horribly and call from the opposite side of the store, “So, I’m looking for a size <insert double your actual size here>?? They don’t have any that big!” and your bridesmaid will drink too much and try to force you to buy the unflattering meringue gown that costs infinitely more than it should, accompanied by the words, “It sooooo suits you!”.

3. Wedding invitations don’t matter, but registries do. This is a microcosmic two-parter. First, who really cares what an invitation looks like? If you’re shallow enough to fight with your mother or spouse about it, reconsider getting married and check out your local Mental Health Center instead. The important thing is you’re inviting people you care about to witness your marriage. (If that doesn’t make sense, I encourage you to read that last sentence over and over until it does. If it doesn’t make sense, re-read Truth 1.) If your wedding guests or party really care about the paper the invitations are printed on, reconsider inviting them at all. It’s that simple. Secondly, people need to know what to bring. They want to bring something. Wouldn’t you? Don’t force them to buy you a glass bowl that will sit on top of your refrigerator until it deteriorates into sand again. It will break in a few years by your future toddler and you will wonder why you never used such a pretty thing. Think ahead to the stuff you would really want to keep and as frequently as possible, apply the Invitation-Registry rule: The marriage should be what lasts, not the flower arrangements.

For the Woman Already in the Throws of Bridezilla Disease: Have no fear. It’s hard to act like yourself when the world suddenly becomes so devastatingly interested in what you really think about everything, from flowers to footwear to religion (for the ceremony). You won’t be (or shouldn’t be) used to everyone always paying attention to you like that, because that isn’t what being an adult is about. Being mature enough to make major decisions about your life means you listen as well as speak, and are considerate enough of others to wish for everyone’s happiness – not just your own at the cost of others. Now that might sound tough when your emotions start getting the better of you and you start thinking, “But she’s been pushing for me to do that for years! I really want to do it my way now!”. So the solution is even simpler than the Trinity of Truths above. If somebody in your wedding party cares about the invites, or the shoes you’ll be wearing, or the flowers, and you don’t, why not let them take care of it? Save your breath for the stuff you do care about, and fight that battle instead. Not only will it ease the wedding orchestration for yourself, but that person can feel like they are really helping you out and showing you they care about you and the wedding. Win, win. Listen to your gut. You’re not fat. And last, but not least, keep your eyes on the prize and think ahead to post-wedding day bliss.

To see the original publication of this article on Associated Content, please click here.