I have a bee in my bonnet. It’s called Buellton. Possibly the creepiest town I’ve ever visited in my life. I can’t put my finger on what it was exactly that made me feel weird to begin with, but I can tell you that by the time we made it to the Hitching Post for dinner, I was pretty creeped out. If you want to eat the most amazing steak in the world and be literally scared shitless while chewing, visit The Hitching Post in Buellton, CA. Me and my fiance (of 2 days- hooray!), checked into our hotel, hopped in the car and headed straight for the excitement of the famous “Sideways” restaurant.

We knew there would be a wait, because I called beforehand and they said there would be. Also, if you’re reading this and planning a trip, they won’t take reservations over the phone. So we went anyway and after a few minutes a seat opened up at the bar, so we decided to wait there instead. I read a review on TripAdvisor that said, “the decor very dated” which puts it kind of politely. Overall, I had the sense of the place being a little too worn, as in, not terribly clean. Both the service and the side vegetables confirm that this is a place that is famous for its steaks and wine, and the fact that an unusually good movie was filmed there (for three days), and not much else.

Our neighbours at the bar were pretty friendly. Maybe too friendly. Some guy flat out ordered my husband-to-be a Pinot Noir HIGHLINER, at $14 a glass. He didn’t even start a conversation first, nor pursue one afterwards. (Am I weird to find that creepy? He was sitting right next to us. And no, he didn’t work there.) The menu at The Hitching Post has this to say about it’s oeuvre: “Aromas of berries and sweet Frenchy oak, bright young fruit tastes rich and round, poised to improve over the next 5 to 10 years”, and it was indeed, brilliant. But the feeling of claustrophobia and impending doom persisted.

Sitting down at our table didn’t improve things: On the wall to the far right of my fiance’s head, a gigantic post-modern, Andy Warholesque, slightly-out-of-focus and extremely brightly coloured painting of Saddam Hussein wearing a safari sun hat was grinning at me inanely. At this point, I thought I’d been drugged for sure, which was making the visible flames from the kitchen alarming. But I will also point out that I seemed to be the only person there who was alarmed by anything at all. It had been a crazy two days (did I mention I’m engaged now?!?). I thought, “You’ve had too much wine. With all the excitement, you should just go to the loo, splash some cold water on your hands. You’ll be fine.”

What a fool I was. The ladies room was like some nightmare maternity ward. With pink tiles all over the place, it had curtains for cubicle walls and doors on noisy, rattling chains hanging from the ceiling. I honestly couldn’t tell if this was meant as a sort of tongue-in-cheek joke, or if the owners were tripping when they ordered this. I would have run out of there screaming if it hadn’t been for the food.

You honestly cannot beat a plate of fresh mussels and a steak grilled over an open fire of red oak with a glass of their Highliner. At excellent, and I mean excellent value for money. Double whammy. Will I go there again? DEFINITELY. Will I order food to go? Probably. And it actually turns out that Saddam was really a painting of the owner, who looks utterly charming and friendly here:

More on The Hitching Post II:

http://www.hitchingpost2.com/

For Reservations:

http://www.opentable.com/single.aspx?rid=4495&restref=4495

For more pictures of the owner of the restaurant where he looks nothing like Saddam:

http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&hs=rLz&q=Frank%20Ostini&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wi